Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

5 Comebacks For Dealing With Rude People

I read this article written by Higher Prospective and thought it might be useful during this Season of Giving. Stress is high, money is short and time is premium. That is  a combination for temperamental behavior and stress.I expect there will be plenty of bad behavior out here in the world through to the New Year.  Use one of these tools should you have an encounter with rudeness. Good luck and no Decking in the Halls!

Rude people suck, but there's no way to get around it: you're going to run into one now and then. These are 5 great ways to deal with rude people.

1. Tell them you appreciate their perspective.

When someone is being rude to you, they don't expect graciousness, or any kind of positive emotions to come at them. If anything, it'll disarm them and make them realize you appreciate different viewpoints, including theirs.

2. Thank them.

Put on a smile and say "thank you." It's a subtle way to acknowledge their rudeness and opt out of engaging them on it. It shows you're in control of your emotions.

3. Tell them they're right.

Just because someone is rude doesn't make what they have to say incorrect. If someone rudely points something out, tell them they're right. It almost always gives them pause. They expect you to argue, not concede.

4. End the conversation.

There's nothing wrong with saying a conversation with a rude person is over. You're in charge of who you talk to about what. If you're being disrespected, walk away.

5. Laugh.

 Because what's funnier than laughing in the face of a rude person?

Tools for navigating the environment at large.

Anger Management Institute, LLC specializing in impulse control, anger and stress management an emotional intelligence based practice.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

A Little About The Anger Management Process

The thought of coming to anger management is a lot scarier than being in the actual process.  Most people really don’t know what to expect which is one of the reasons why I spend so much time in the initial telephone consultation.  A lot has to happen during this first conversation. First and foremost, I have to get the client to relax and allay any fears around the process. Usually a person has lived with their “out of control" anger issue for years. There is often embarrassment, shame and even feelings of inadequacy for not being able to manage their anger themselves.
 The initial conversation is a time of discovery for both the client and myself.  I ask the client a lot of open ended questions.  Good questions reveal a lot for both client and counselor. The first call is more of a conversation, where most importantly, I am looking for a connection between the prospective client and me.  A mutual connection suggests the process will move forward fluidly.  However, having no strong initial connection during the first conversation does not necessarily translate into a problem. Yet a common meeting ground needs to be attained between the client and me before beginning the anger management process.

The fact is that anger is one of eight normal human emotions. We are all wired for it. It is perfectly fine and healthy to get angry. Anger enables us to protect and defend what belongs to us. Anger becomes a  problem when it becomes inappropriate. Of all the normal human emotions anger is the most overused and misused.   My job is to teach new ways of behaving when angry that is compatible with the client’s innate sensibilities. 
Anger Management Institute, LLC,  Emotional Intelligence based Anger management 510.393.0250


Thursday, September 3, 2015

Incivility In The Workplace

Feeling the pressure in the workplace? You've got plenty of company. Many employees today feel maxed out, on edge and ticked off, and it's eroding workplace civility.
Consider these telling statistics from a handful of recent studies and surveys:

Now more than ever, it's critical to find ways to effectively deal with stress and conflict at work.
If this is of concern in your workplace please call the Anger Management Institute, LLC, @ 510.393.0250
Specializing in workplace conflict and employee impulse control

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Bathroom Dissention

Recently I listened to a wife fume about how she hates the toilet seat up. Years of repeated request, orders, demands-and even once slamming the seat down and breaking it.
It’s not like its weekly although I would say one common argument that occurs in my office between couples is the toilet seat argument.
The toilet seat argument was not a source of dissention from the late 1500’s to the mid 1800’s because bathrooms were a separate space with a hole that relied on gravity. I have no proof however I suspect the arguments between couples started around 1860’s. If any one person is to blame for this endless argument I would point a finger at a guy name Thomas Crapper (yes I said Crapper).
Crapper did not invent the flush toilet (that honor goes to Sir John Harrington). Crapper did, however, do much to increase the popularity of the toilet and bathroom, and developed some important related inventions. Not only did Thomas Crapper’s modernization of the toilet most likely birth the issue of the ‘up or down’ argument the abbreviation of his last name has become synonymous with arguments. This is a load of ‘crap’ you’re talking ‘crap' and 'I hate this crap' are all slang references from Mr. Crapper’s name.
As I see it here are the best solutions/options available for couples engaged in Crapper argument:
·         The Serenity Prayer 
Give us the serenity to accept what cannot be change
The courage to change what can be changed.
and the wisdom to know the one from the other.
·         Acceptance: Ladies the toilet seat up is a guy thing beyond your full comprehension because you’re a woman. If you only think like a woman then it looks like defiance. But it has nothing to do with you nor is it defiance.
·         Be Assertive: Use your words but not too many. If you use too many you won’t be heard. Assertiveness is clear, honest forthright communication. We women have a propensity to have a pre-story- then buried in between is the ask, followed by a few thousand extra words about what we think.
             The best way to be assertive is to use the “I” statement formula:

Say: “I feel angry” (use a feeling word)
What: (Say what is bothering you) “When you leave the toilet seat up”.
How:(Say how it is it affecting you): “Because I’ve actually fallen in at night”.
Say what you need: “I need you to put the toilet seat down at night” or “I need you to redecorate the guest bathroom into your own personal bathroom.”

By the way, if your husband does make another bathroom his you must leave the subject alone completely.

·         Compromise: In all relationships compromise is an absolute necessity. In a nutshell it is settling differences by mutual agreement. If you combine being assertive with some possible solutions, you have a chance of reaching an agreement and eliminating that fruitless argument.
For an example the wife says, “I need you to keep the toilet seat down all the time”. Husband says, “I probably can’t do that”. Wife says, “that is unacceptable you must!” Husband says,” how about I work on keeping the seat down at night”. Wife replies, “this will work”.
             It may take a while to reach a compromise however a compromise is a win-win.

 For the record: a woman needs the toilet seat down 100% of the time. A man only 50% of the time. A husband could argue his point, and yet in 12 years of practice I never heard a man complain that the seat was down.
By the way, men never come to my office and have the toilet seat on their list of complaints. NEVER!

Anger Management Institute, LLC Specializing in impulse control and emotional intelligence.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

100 Year Old Wisdom Still Stands Today

As far as possible one should not interfere in the affairs of others.....Bagavan

Recently, an employer mandated client was ordered to anger management for an altercation that was ignited as a result of 'gossiping'.  The tension between the two employees resulted in a confrontation right in the hub of the workplace. I cringed from just listening to the story.

As the employer mandated client was recanting the details it motivated me to go back to an article I recently read on the ills of gossiping. I was motivated to find the 19th century etiquette book. "American Etiquette And Rules Of Politeness".  Rules for everyday proper behavior in 19th century life. 

I found the passage called, 'Don't Gossip' surprisingly current for 21st century work/life.
"Be Free From Tattling". "Do not inflict upon society and another member of that despicable and dangerous species called Gossipers. That tongue that carries slander and defames the character of others is as dark as sin itself. Always be careful in your conversations not to dwell on what you heard somebody say about somebody else".

Moral of the story is stay out of other peoples business. Don't partiscipate in negative stories and don't pass those stories around. Gossip has a long fuse that eventually ignites. Gossip is never helpful or productive as in this case of the gosisiping employees who brought the whole workplace down in 10 minutes.


Anger Management Institute, LLC, specializing in anger and stress management and emotional intelligence coaching.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Anger Is Normal

ANGER is a normal emotion designed to protect us and keep us alive. It should be differentiated from THE ANGRY REACTION which is a behavior pattern that is usually learned in early childhood and which is the aggressive reaction to the perception we are being attacked. That attack is most commonly verbal, but can also be physical, psychological or emotional.

Anger Management Institute, LLC, 510.303.0250
Worldwide provider of Anger Management and Impulse Control in the workplace.

Monday, May 18, 2015

The Energy Drain Of The Little Stuff

According to the patent filed in 1891 toilet paper was intended to be placed on the cylinder and used as "over" rather than "under".
This has been a looooong standing argument among people literally around the world. People have VERY strong opinions about "over" or "under". Personally, it matters that there IS tissue.  For those that are "stuck" on "right" and argue to the death on a position you got this one.
 For me "right" is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sometimes you can be "right" and just let things go. Some things are just not worth the time and energy to have an argument about.
Make a decision as to if you want to go to the places that "little stuff" can take you.
You have a choice of" how to spend your energy. Is it worth it???
Truth...........as I see it.........

Anger Management Institute the leader in impulse control for leaders and the Workplace

Saturday, February 21, 2015

To All Employers

Treat Employees like they make a difference and they will!

Thursday, January 22, 2015

What Is A Level B Instrument

In previous blogs I have talked about being an evidence based practice (EBP) with an assessment that is categorized as a Level B instrument but what is a Level B instrument and what does that mean?
A, " Level B instrument" means that the assessment that I use has been designed and constructed in a way that meets psychometric standards; and the person administering the assessment has been trained and certified to administer.
Sounds all impressive although what does "psychometric" standards mean ?
Psychometric standards means that the assessment tool that I use has met  rigorous research requirements, examination and testing and is a reliable and validated document. Just for the record a validated assessment and that is any assessment does not necessarily mean it is a Level B Instrument.
Now, to put all this information together. The Anger Management Institute uses an American Medical Association (AMA) approved  tool called the BarOn-2.0 emotional intelligence assessment.  This assessment that I administer is regarded as one of the best assessment tools for moving clients forward from where they are to where they need to be.
Anger Management Institute specializes in Emotional Intelligence (developing people skills) anger and stress management. 510.393.0250

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

What Being An Evidence Based Process Means

I always refer to my anger and stress management practice as being an evidence based practice (EBP) however what does that really mean?

 Being an evidence based practice (EBP)includes additional components that raise the value and results of the work.  Being an evidence practice is a problem solving approach that includes research, expertise and the clients values and circumstances.
The American Counselors Association highly encourages EBP and encourages Counselors to use modalities that are grounded in theory and/or have an empirical or scientific foundation.  The combination of skill, science and client needs and circumstances is considered by ACA as the gold standard for the highest possible outcomes.
The Anger Management Institute is an evidence based process with a pre and post assessment.  We are an emotional intelligence based anger and stress management practice. We use an American Medical Association Level B instrument as part of our process for determining the best course of action for moving a client forward from where they are to where they need to be.  The curriculum for each client is highly customized and is designed based on science, expertise and client needs and circumstance.
The Anger Management Institute, LLC specializes in emotional intelligence (people skills) anger and stress management in the workplace 510.393.0250


Monday, January 12, 2015

More On Bullying In The Workplace

Recently, I had a client sent to me from a major corporation.  H.R. reported her as having  challenges in resolving issues with co-workers.  Susan basically is a bully and uses strong verbal threats with her colleagues. In one situation, the one that landed her in my office, Susan decided to have a physical altercation with one of her peers.  This Bully employee was already on record as being verbally threatening long before she was sent to anger management and in my opinion should have been sent long before the fight ensued at work.

 Susan, is a 20-year employee with an otherwise good work record. A good work record should never be considered more important than appropiate behavior however it was in this case.  Susan was well known among peers and her employer for being a bully.  It could be that the HR dept thought her behavior would just go away with a few write ups of inappropriate behavior.  Write ups can sometimes work however, realistically; it is not a real solution to the problem of bullying co-workers simply because bad behavior "rolls out" and affects many.  Not addressing Susan's behavior earlier eventually lead to a fight that not only threatened Susan's employment but also created a tension that rippled throughout the workplace.
A good employee with bad behavior is a threat to moral and production in the workplace. Anger management is a relatively quick and cost effective process to solving most workplace behavior issues.  Doing "nothing" however will not work; is not a solution and has long term effects in the workplace enviornment.
Here is the definition of bullying in the workplace:
1.Threatening-humiliating or intimidation.
2. Workplace interference-sabotage-which prevents work from getting done and/or verbal abuse.
Anger Management Institute, LLC, specializes in workplace behavior and issues.