Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

What is Anger Management

The goal of all anger management programs should be to assist people in learning how to reduce the emotional and physiological arousal that anger causes. The program’s goals should never be aimed at the impossible task of eliminating anger, but to learn to control its effects on people and their environment (www.helping.apa.org/daily/anger . html).
Studies indicate that anger management techniques can be taught effectively to young children, adolescents, and to adults as well. Teaching anger management strategies has been found to reduce
aggression in both children and adolescents.

Increasingly, school disrticts throughout the nation are offering anger management for students on a proactive basis.

If you would like more information please call today.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

NBA Star Praises Anger Management

This is adapted from an article in the Los Angeles Times.

NBA player Ron Artest, who gained infamy in 2004 when he jumped into the stands and punched a fan during a game-stopping brawl between fans and players, is seeking public redemption by raffling off his new NBA championship ring for charity.
The proceeds, which he hopes will exceed $1 millon, will be used to fund mental health services for youths who can't afford the counseling.
Artest became a poster boy for NBA bad behavoir after the 2004 melee, which resulted in his being suspended for 73 games, amounting to a loss of about $6 million in salary, he said. Artest was then playing with the Indiana Pacers, against the home team Detroit Pistons.
Upon his return to the NBA, Artest bounced around from the Sacramento Kings to the Houston Rockets and eventually landing with the Los Angeles Lakers, which won the NBA championship last season.
It was during the victory celebration that Artest publicly credited an anger management professional with turning his life around, and now he wants to further public acceptance for people in need of mental health care.
His court-order anger management transformed him, he said.
"A great facilitator made me reach deep, into my lies, deep, into my vices.
As one of the league's premier defenders, Artest made few excuses for his admittedly aggressive behavior, but then a secret slipped out.
In front of the largest global TV audience ever for an NBA final game, Artest surprised viewers with an announcement: "I want to thank my anger management provider."
With those words, he opened up his personal life, and as a sports celebrity, he took a step toward destigmatizing mental health care, observed Rep. Grace Napolitano, D-California. Napolitano enlisted the help of the NBA star to push the Mental Health in Schools Act, which would provide $200 million in funding for on-site counseling for students with issues.
"Having someone to talk to is very important. There's no shame in asking for help," Artest said.
When he was 13, his parents split up. "As a kid, I had a bad temper," Artest said. "As an adult, I was a bad father, and I had to speak to somebody about that."

If you need anger management please don't hesitate to call the Anger Management Institute.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

Workplace Stress Is A Workplace Disaster

Some people are calling Steven Slater, a flight attendant for Jet Blue, a hero. He stood up to a passenger who, reports indicate, was being rude and physically assaulting. Some say Slater's behavior challenges the concept "the customer is always right," while others' hold the employer responsible for caring more about passenger than the employee. I believe the true reason for his, and others behavior was workplace stress and a lack of behavior training for long time employees. In my opinion employers fail to provide small behavior training's because they prioritize familiarity and experience in the job over personal growth and well being of the employees. What I see is a lack of balance between training for the job and training the people who do the job.

Examples of workplace stress are showing up all over the nation and can be seen in the media almost daily. I understand all the reasons for workplace stress, however, it is my belief that all employees should have continuous training. Events like the Jet Blue incident can be offset by short training's, at least once a quarter, in anger/stress management, as well as emotional intelligence and communication. These programs should be designed especially, but not exclusively, for employees who have considerable interaction with the public. This is important for long time employees.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

When In A Funk!

Picasso's greatest artistic period was as a result of being in a deep funk. Years ago when I was in a funk a friend of mine told me this story about Picasso's funk.

As the story goes, Picasso was painting in hues of yellow. While painting in these hues of yellow on a canvas in his studio he got stuck with where to go next with his painting. He began to grumble and moan and as the day wore on Picasso simply became down right unruly to his wife. While working in the kitchen her husbands constant grumbling and bad attitude started driving her nuts. No longer able to maintain her silence she said with great attitude of her own @&!&@&#*&! just throw any color on the @%@@^@&@@^ canvas!

Feeling very obstinate Picasso did throw a totally opposite color on the canvas which I think was suppose to shock his wife initially however what it did was take him in a totally different direction artistically. The painting lead to his most famous artistic Blue Period.

I learned three things from the story one of which is never never impose my funk on anyone else hence the name "my funk"; and secondly, when in a funk, do something completely different maybe even out-of-the-box maybe not drastic just different; and lastly never underestimate the power of a funk because what can be there is something rich full and abundant.

Dunno if some of the facts of the story have fallen by the wayside since first hearing it years ago however the bottom-line is a funk can be a rich fertile place to work from.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Do Something Different!

It may be a small a matter, or maybe not, however, if you haven't noticed anger can't be overcome by more anger. If a person is directing their anger to you and you show anger in return, the result is 99% certain to be a disaster. In contrast, try to control your anger. Do something different—think before you react, show compassion, show patience, or even walk away until the issue can be talked about. Not only will you remain at peace and avoid confrontation, but the anger of the others and yourself will gradually dissipate.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Time Out! Not Just For Kids

An angry customer is sure bait for an argument, however, an argument can't proceed without a participant. Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by speaking and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent. If you feel that a customer is making you escalate in your anger, use time-out. You learned that approach in Kindergarten.

Taking a time-out will immediately help to de-escalate anger before it becomes too intense. Quick burst of intense anger leads to verbal and physical abuse for many people. Use the time-out technique to avoid the anger trap. When taking a time-out try repeating one of these affirmations:

I don't need to prove myself in this situation.
I can stay calm.
As long as I keep my cool, I'm in control of myself.
No need to doubt myself, what other people say doesn't matter.
I'm the only person who can make me mad or keep me calm.
I need to take time to relax and slow things down.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

When Your Buttons Get Pushed, How Well Do You Manage?

When you have an automatic, negative response to something, this often indicates a hypersensitivity that's referred to as "getting your buttons pushed." Usually these sensitivities have developed due to hurtful childhood experiences, such as repeatedly being criticized, rejected or controlled. For example, if your parents were very controlling, when someone tells you to do something, you may resist--often subconsciously. Answer the following two sets of questions to discover how well you manage your buttons being pushed.
Set 1

True False

1. When my buttons get pushed, I tend to shut down and withdraw.

2. When someone hurts me--even when I know it was unintentional--I lash out at them or blame myself.

3. I hate it when someone tells me I'm "too sensitive."

4. When someone says or does something that triggers the feelings connected to an old emotional pain, it takes me a long time to let go of it and feel centered again. I often carry a resentment.

5. Sometimes I have no idea why I do what I do--I just can't control myself.

6. Once someone pushes my buttons, that's it--my wall goes up and stays up. I feel like a powerless little kid.

Set 2
True False

7. When old feelings are triggered by something in the present, I take a deep breath, acknowledge that old feelings have been activated, get myself to a safe and comfortable environment and seek the support I need.

8. Rather than feeling victimized and blaming someone for pushing my buttons, I, again, take a deep breath, and then take an honest look at myself to see what I can learn from the situation.

9. I've worked to uncover old, painful issues so that I can release what was triggered and not feel at the mercy of my emotional response.

10. When I feel triggered, it often has nothing to do with the person who pushed my buttons.

11. I'm familiar with my most common "buttons"; I recognize them more quickly now and am less reactive.

12. When my buttons do get pushed now, I am able to see the unresolved issues needing my attention.

13. I feel like an empowered adult when I can courageously look at my emotional triggers and work through them.

If you answered true more often in Set 1 and false more often in Set 2, you may wish to learn how to deal more effectively when your buttons get pushed and how to release their charge. Please don't hesitate to call if you'd like to explore this issue further.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Five Signals Your Anger is a Problem

From time to time everyone experiences anger this is normal human behavior. The following however are specific signals that will tell you when your anger is beyond what is normal and can be considered an issue.

When anger is too frequent
One or more blow-ups a day and/or constant irritation often about small issues and occurrences can be a signal of an anger management problem. It is important to be able to distinguish between those times when it is Okay to be angry, and when anger is too frequent and/or inappropriate for the situation, place and time. Remember everything doesn’t matter.

When it is too intense.

A moderate level of anger actually can be helpful and used to your advantage to make breakthroughs in communication. This type of anger can present opportunities for clarity, compromise and possibly improved relationships. High degrees of anger rarely if ever produce positive results and may damage your relationships, threaten your job or your health.
Screaming at the bank Teller because she is following the rules or the checker at the grocery store because you’re in a hurry or the wait staff at a restaurant because they bought you ice water instead of room temperature water is bad behavior and will not get you what you want. Throwing your keys, name calling or forcefully imposing your will with a co-worker in the workplace are all problematic and inappropriate behaviors.

When it lasts too long.
Think of a car that is idling to high without being adjusted back to normal operating levels. When your car or in the case of your body does not return to normal operating level there is sure to be a burn out in one of your bodies operating systems. Prolonged anger causes elevated stress levels.

When it leads to aggression.
If you feel you have been abused, treated unfairly or that your personal values have been violated, you may want to hurt the person who has offended you. Most acts of aggression begin with verbal hostility which often leads to a cycle of increasing aggressive behavior. Sooner or later this behavior will result in trouble. Remember, letting go or walking away doesn’t mean you’re not right or that your point is not valid.

When it destroys work or personal relationships.
If you let your anger interfere with completing your work or doing a good job or makes it difficult for co-workers to relate to you then you have allowed your anger to become problematic.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Judgments--Criticism or Mirror?

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"

You could see the red flush of rage start to rise on the mother's face. "I have never, ever experienced a more defiant, stubborn, selfish child," she said through clenched teeth to her friend.

Washing the dinner dishes for the fifth time that week, her husband was nursing a resentment against his wife's "laziness" in the kitchen, while their son was in his room calling his parents "mean" and "unfair" for requiring that he complete his homework before going out to play.

There's one thing they all agree on: It's the other person's fault.

But there's another thing they're all missing: Every judgment we pass on other people is a revelation about ourselves, an expression of our own needs and values.

For example, the mother may need to look at the rage she felt as a child, when defying her own parents resulted in physical punishment, something she would never do to her own son. The husband may need to work on his assertiveness, asking for more shared responsibility in the kitchen. And the son may need to understand the consequences of the choices he made regarding his homework.

In each case, the judgment itself provided a clue for what needs to be looked at, acknowledged or brought out.

"Can't I just have an opinion, though?" we are tempted to ask.

Of course. But judgment is different from the kinds of opinions that form from assessment or objective appraisals. Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons and diagnoses are all forms of judgment, all ways of saying that another person is "wrong." Other types of judgments:

  1. Judgments based on beliefs and expectations. "You're 11 now, and you should be able to remember to turn the lights off in your room." ["You're inconsiderate; you're an airhead."]
  2. Judgments based on fears. "She's cold and distant lately; I think she's getting ready to leave me."
  3. Judgments based on prejudices and preconceived notions. "Doesn't he have any decency, flirting around with the receptionist like that?"
  4. Judgments based on generalizations. "Believe me, all bosses are mean."
  5. Judgments that make us feel better about ourselves. "How could you not know where Brazil is?" ["You're stupid; I'm smart."]
  6. Judgments that distract us from taking responsibility. "She gets all the parts she wants; she's the director's daughter."

To enjoy the benefits of being nonjudgmental--more effective communication, reduced misunderstandings, enhanced relationships at home and work, and a sense of emotional freedom and safety--try these actions.

  1. Be aware of where and when you are judging others. This is a necessary first step.
  2. Practice empathy with a soft heart. What's it like to be the other person?
  3. Listen and keep an open mind. Learn to make objective evaluations about ideas, people, and situations.
  4. Be curious. Ask about the circumstances of someone else's life. Most of our assumptions are based on extremely little real information.
  5. Accept differences. If we can accept each others' choices, and trust in each other to take responsibility for the impact of each choice, then there is so much more freedom for all of us to be ourselves.
  6. Focus on feelings and needs--your own and those of others. This will take you out of judgment and into aliveness.

For more information or to schedule a complimentary session at the Anger Management Institute,LLC, please call 510.393.0250

Monday, January 11, 2010

A Message to Human Resource Departments

This is a reprint of an article written by my mentor and the Guru of Anger Management, George Anderson.

I am a specialist in Employer ordered clients for both small and large businesses. As the director of the Anger Management Institute, I have successfully solved numerous hostile workplace environments. The problem is usually one employee, manager or supervisor however the damage, ill feelings disjointed team and absenteeism is far reaching. I think that George says this well.

Enlightened Human Resource Managers recognize the value of taking action quickly when any violence in the workplace policy is violated. Doing nothing is an invitation to “hostile workplace” liability lawsuits.

Physical altercations are far less common than verbal behavior that is interpreted by the victim as demeaning, threatening, arrogant or disruptive. Anger Management rather than counseling is the intervention of choice for interpersonal conflicts at work.

When mandating anger management to an employee, it is best for the H.R. Manager to personally contact a Certified Anger Management Provider prior to making the referral. Legitimate Anger Management Facilitators offer their services in person rather than on-line. They use Pre and Post Assessments for each client. They use client workbooks and provide anger management either individually or in small groups.

Finally, they are accustomed to working with H.R. referrals and dealing with resistant clients. They are aware of the need to provide appropriated feedback to H.R. Managers.

If your workplace environment is affected by abrasive and unruly employees or management then please call the Anger Management Institute,LLC. 510.393.0250