Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Using My Own Skill Base

 I’m on an extra tight schedule like everyone else at this time of year.  I have a couple of parties to give in the next few days and I have to fit in a lot of extra task above and beyond my already full life.  The carpet cleaners were late and it was clear by his voice over the phone he would rather be having lunch than picking up carpets.  It was pretty easy to detect that I too was a little irritated.

With my hand on the door knob turning to admit the carpet cleansers and a vision of ghost of arguments past, I knew where this could go if I were to sprew my frustrations.  I consciously choose another way of being. I decided to change my energy.  The fact of the matter is I know that everything that has to get done will get done and all will be well.  Even with a glich I can manage that too.  Because I always have.

Stress is not always a reaction to a specific situation.  Most often it is our thoughts that lead to intense feelings of stress.  For awhile I was caught up in my thinking about all the things I had to do and the lateness of the carpet cleaners.  As I waited for the carpet cleaners I found myself in a place of unproductive tension. 

 Unproductive tension is always a villain. Unproductive tension is when the mind starts on a path where one thought leads to another, and another and another and agitation begins to build.  It is like a space between an event or situation where you can make a mountain out of a mole hill. The solution was to notice what was happening and stop the momentum of the thoughts that I was creating all in my head.
I had to create other thoughts and assurances that would serve me. I conciously had to turn the unproductive tention into usable energy.  I had to remind myself that I have a choice of how I can feel. Instead of telling myself how terrible all of this was going and getting frustrated I reminded myself that 'everything is going to be fine in the end"! 
 And it was.
 Watch your thoughts. Catch yourself when you are being negative. If you're already under time contraints and the time is counting down you'll do far better to the finish managing your thoughts and attitutde. 
Anger Management Institute, LLC Specializing in impulse control and people skills. 

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Taking A Look At The Workplace Bully Part I

27% of Americans have suffered abusive conduct at work. Another 21% have witnessed abuse in the workplace and 72% are aware that workplace bullying happens.

 Now lets' take a look at the definition of a workplace bully as described by the Workplace Bully Institute:

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is:

To break it down the workplace bully has control issues (probably on the job and off).  The perpetrator targets an individual (s) using a strategy of timing, location and method to threaten, The purpose is to degrade, insult, embarrass, intimidate and undermine.  The bully can use direct actions or actions of omission that include withholding information or resources.  In addition to attacking the person the actions of the workplace bully also undermines legitimate business interest for personal interest/issues.

Any of the above description remind you of something else? If you thought Domestic Violence you are right! Surprising as it may sound the workplace bully's profile is very close to the batterer's profile and at the core of both types is less about anger and more about power and control over a targeted individual.
Being bullied as an adult in the workplace can have a huge impact on the psychological and physical health of the victim as well as employee peers. 

I work with workplace bully's and in Thursday installment you'll meet Susan an employer ordered bully. I had to come up with a combination of modalities to work with Susan because a straightforward anger management program wasn't going to be quit right to address her issues.  I borrowed from some of my Domestic Violence tools combined with anger management and EQ.  The results were amazing.

Anger Management Institute, LLC An emotional intelligence based practice

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Few Thoughts!

A Few Thoughts

A qualified anger and stress management specialist is always the best choice to see you through your challenges with anger.   Therapists are usually not efficient at anger management unless specifically trained.  Most are not. That may be why you find yourself still angry after working with a traditional therapist who has not gone down the specific track of learning the modality and garnering the tools to specialize.

The good news is that anger is a normal human emotion everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger becomes an issue when it becomes ianppropiate. So what does inappropiate look like? Well, if your anger is detroying your work or personal reliationships; leads to aggression; is too intense, frequent or lasts to long then I would say there is an anger management challenge. If you have any of these issues it is not considered an illness or a mental disorder.

If you have impulse/anger control issues the good news is that you're not "crazy." or "broken" regardless to what anyone says about your actions.   Anger management is not therapy however it is very theraputic.  Anger Management is actually listed as "education" and your actions are considered bad behavior and not an illness. 

Anger Management Institute, LLC an Emotional Intelligence based practice specializing in Impulse Control and personal enhancement. 510.393.0250 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Saying "No" Creates Room For "Yes"!

I have a client who is a  really talented commediane. This guy is funny, creative and a doer however  my client is angry and doesn't understand why he isn't where he wants to be. He further laments that other less talented people are making greater strides forward than himself.   His lack of strides forward has deeply affected his self-confidence level which in turn makes him angry and stressed. I see part of his issues as a lack of focus on priorities and the inability to say "no"!

 Ryan is so talented and a doer that when he comes up with a new idea he stops what he is doing to go down the new track.  His thinking is to do/take everything and anything and something will work out towards the goal.  However everytime he says, "yes" to a new idea or proposal Ryan loses focus.  All these "yes's" take energy and time away from the ultimate goal.  He's angry because while he's accomplished loads of cool things much of his movement is lateral and not forward towards the goal. Consequently, he feels bad about himself and angry with the world about where he finds himself at this stage of his career.  The issue of a lack of focus and too many "yes's" will always delay the dream and undermine wellbeing.

Today we worked on learning to say "no" to somethings so that he can focus and create room, time and energy towards what it is that really matters to him.

Here’s a word of wisdom from Steve Jobs for you to ponder:

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

Certainly experiment however choose carefully. See how it links to the ultimate destination.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Bar-On 2.0 Pre & Post-Evidence Based Assessment

 All programs at the Anger Management Institute, begin with the Bar-On 2.0 assessment. This highly effective assessment tool, accurately indicates an individual's behavioral performance and skills in a number of significant areas. The Bar-On 2.0 is and Emotional Intelligence (EI) based assessment tool. Emotional Intelligence is the unique repertoire of emotional skills that a person uses to navigate the everyday challenges of life.

Research has demonstrated that an individual's EI or (EQ) is often a more accurate predictor of success than the individual's IQ. Regardless to how intellectually intelligent someone is. their success is still governed by how well they communicate their ideas and interact with their peers.  The Bar-On 2.0 identifies an array of emotional and social capabilities, competencies, and skills that influence one's ability to succeed in coping with environmental demands and pressures while developing and maintain relationships.
Based on results from numerous statistical analyses, users of the EQ-i 2.0 can be confident that the scores generated by this assessment will be consistent and reliable. Results also revealed that the EQ-i 2.0 very accurately measures emotional intelligence, related concepts and relevant outcomes. 
From the results of this assessment, l maps out a personal and professional profile on several performance levels. Cost effective and time saving, this tool protects your company’s investment in employees and managers. Using the results of the assessment, I am able to address behavioral/performance challenges from day one of my work with the client. The Bar-On 2.0 Assessment also includes a post-assessment that measures the degree of change achieved.
“This tool sets me apart from all others providers of anger management/impulse control and professional development coaching because of its accuracy in determining the issues.  While a person can only change and or improve their behavior or performance if they are committed my results have always shown significant positive improvement..”
– Yacine Bell

Friday, June 13, 2014

Five Qualities of A Good Leader

I read a great article today about the qualities of a great leader. These qualities are the same for the cheerleading coach as they are for the CEO of a company.  While the author sighted 11 qualities I will site/post the first 5 and the others in another post. 
What you will discover is that all of the qualities necessary for a great leader have less to do with IQ and everything to do with EQ or Emotional Intelligence also called "people skills"!
1. Great Leaders are good decision makers and take responsibility for their choices and actions.
2. Great  Leaders have a plan and are committed, flexible and focused on the big picture. Sometimes the journey towards the big picture holds surprises and challenges not anticipated so flexibility is necessary so that shifts in the plan are creative forces and not problems.
3.Great Leaders are focused on the big picture but not exclusively to the point where they loose sight of the day to day. Also, great leaders use their past lessons where appropriate as knowledge.
4.Good Leaders are emotionally self-aware and use this competency as a filter to know what is important and what is not.
5. Good leaders have ethics
A smart candidate from a good school use to be the desired person in leadership positions. More and more I am being hired by companies that are catching up to the fact that being smart has advantages however a leader needs good people skills. A leader needs to have the ability to move people cooperatively and confidently in a productive and emotionally intelligent way.

The Anger Management Institute, LLC an Emotional Intelligence based practice teaching EQ and impulse control to leaders. 510.393.0250

Monday, June 9, 2014

Managers Need People Skills

The fact of the matter is that people who are in charge of managing others need to be chosen for a managerial position because they are emotionally intelligent with high people skills. All to often people are moved "up the ladder" because they did the job well when in fact the higher "up the ladder" the greater the people skills need to be.

 One skill paramount in managing others is empathy. The greater the empathy the better a difficult situation is potentially is handled.

Really simple.

Anger Management Institute and emotionally intelligent based practice. 510.393.0250

Monday, April 21, 2014

Professional Coaching For Impulse Control

As a certified specialist in anger management and professional coach for workplace behavior and performance I use a Pre and Post Emotional Intelligence Assessments. As a result of this exceptional tool I am experiencing a dramatic increase in self-referrals for skill enhancement coaching for “impulse control”. 

Monday, March 31, 2014

Coaching For Professional Enhancement

Many organizations view coaching as an asset that can take high performers (even low performers) to the next level.  Some prospective employers now negociate for a coach as part of their hiring and or part of their professional growth package. Professional Coaching is a logical and cost effective process particulary for an employee who moves from doing the work to managing the people who do the work.   For those people who manage employee’s people skills are paramount.
Anger Management Institute, LLC 510.393.0250

Monday, March 24, 2014

A Gentle Reminder To Management


Good managers are developed.

Anger Management Institute, LLC. specialist in development and workplace behavior.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Coach Your Managerss To Coach Their Staff

Managers and supervisors should be the very people proficient at coaching.  Providing professional coaching to those in management is an effective, long term, and cost efficient solution that can ultimately affect a company's bottom-line.  Whether first line of management or upper management, responsibility focuses less on task completion and becomes more about managing and leading employees in such a way that allows them to use their skill base to get their jobs done.

A manager wothout good people skills and/or emotional intelligence puts him/herself in the dangerous position of ignoring their staff's potential.

For more information about coaching for workplace professionals please contact the Anger Management Institute, LLC, 510.393.0250.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

BAR-ON 2.0 Emotional Intelligence Assessment For Performance and Behavior Management Excels

I use the BAR-ON-2.0 assessment as a tool in my work as a Performance Coach and in my practice as a specialist in anger and stress management for individuals, couples and the workplace.

Emotional Intelligence Coaching for "disruptive executives"  and employees is widely recognized as the best intervention of choice for moving executives, forward from where they are to where they need to be. With Pre and Post EQ Assessments, each intervention is "evidenced based" thorough and completely customized to the individuals needs.

Monster.com now routinely uses EQ Assessments as a part of the standard interview process for applicants for management positions as well as high stress jobs such as customer service.
The Criminal Justice System in California is now requiring that all Certified Anger Management Providers use "evidence based" intervention that use EQ Pre and Post Assessments along with written curricula.
Social Work programs in the UK and the U.S. are including Emotional Intelligence into their training.

Anger Management Institute, LLC

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Benefit's Of "NO"!!!!!

I have a really talented client who is a comedian. This guy is funny,
creative and a "doer". The down side of this multi-talented guy who
we'll call Ryan is he says, "Yes" to multiple offers, enterprises and
new ideas  By saying "yes" to so many things he constantly shifts his
energy and focus from the dream of his career as a stand up and
diffuses into many different directions. Some "yes's" are good however
"no's" could possibly further this funny guy forward.

Ryan is angry because while he has loads of accomplishments and has
had many cool experiences much of his movement is lateral and not
forward towards the dream. Consequently, he feels bad about himself
and angry with the world about where he finds himself at this stage of
his career.  He has said more than once that others less talented have
moved more forward than himself. The issue is a lack of focus and and too many "yes's"!!.

You must learn to say "no" to somethings so that you can focus and
create room, time and energy towards what it is that really matters to
you. Some "yes's" slightly off-centered from the path can make for
good moves towards the focused goal however choices need to be more
strategic rather than scattered unending "yes'"..

Here's a word of wisdom from Steve Jobs for you to ponder:

"People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus
on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the
hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.
I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I
have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things."

Anger Management Institute, LLC 510.393.0250

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Think Before You Act

Last night I watched what potentially was going to be and argument between two people who were in separate automobiles. It got a little intense between the two drivers and I could tell by the body language of other pedestrians witnessing this "stand-off" I wasn't the only one feeling the tenseness of the moment. After what felt like a long time the driver who was technically 'right" acquiesce to the other driver and drove away.  Had the driver not driven away this incident could have developed into a war of "will" and "ego". When an argument reduces itself to either it can get really ugly.

The driver who drove away exhibited the behavior of impulse control. Without him exhibiting impulse control a dangerous situation could have developed.  

Impulse control involves understanding the appropriate times and ways to act on emotions and impulses. The importance of the behavior is that you think before you act. Had the driver not had impulse control we certainly would have witnessed some impatient and impulsive action. 

Impulse control is key to managing anger.  Your best weapon against impulsive behavior is to force yourself to take a pause before you jump into a situation.  For some taking, a few breaths works.  In those few moments ask yourself what alternative actions you could take. "Is it worth it", " or maybe "don't take it personal".

The incident last night was reaffirming that sometimes even if you're "right" it's just way better to acquiesce. To acquiesce can be used as a tool as well because some stuff is just not worth fighting about.