Way.ca.tion: A rest for the mind; an unconventional method of escaping the moment and returning refreshed and better than before.
Monday, November 21, 2016
17 Angry "Dont's" To Prevent Conflict
If you often find yourself wondering why you got into a conflict with someone when you really hadn't intended to, here are 17 ways you can modify anger-related behavior to minimize those unnecessary conflicts. Try not doing the following:
Simply put, just learn to stop talking when you feel yourself teetering on that border of anger. In some instances, silence really is golden, especially if the next few things that might come out of your mouth are likely to be lackluster. Silence is a very powerful and fundamental tool that can be utilized in almost any situation. Just by opting to say nothing as opposed to always having to have your say can result in more favorable outcomes rather. Again, you have to get out of the mentality of always thinking of having to win. There will be times when silence isn’t acceptable and you will have to speak. But before speaking, check yourself to make sure that in this instance it is actually the case.
You—or someone you know—has been given the gift of quick wit. They’re that person that always has the perfect cutting remark ready to go at the crack of a whip. This person seems to always have the ultimate comeback for whatever is thrown at them.
As great as that may sound and no matter how bad or good you are at it, however, it’s not always the best thing to do.
Sometimes we end up saying the very first thing that comes into our minds without thinking of the outcome that it could have on ourselves or the person the comment was directed at. It’s not always best to try and be the quickest on the draw during an argument or disagreement. Sometimes we need to and slow down and think about what we’re saying before we actually say it.
Get up and go! There will be those times you’ll need to just get up and leave out of the room when you feel yourself about to hit the roof with anger and agitation. Walking away will benefit you far more in the long run than sitting around feeling like you have to be a punching bag for someone else. Again, this is about being accountable for yourself and the actions that you take, as opposed to continuing poor behaviors. Give yourself a time out for a bit and come back to the table with a clearer mind than you had before you left.
This can be considered a rude behavior whether you're angry or not. When you are angry, however, staring can be seen as an act of aggression towards the person or persons you’re staring at. There’s nothing wrong with making eye contact when addressing someone, but don’t stare or glare at them with so much intensity that they feel threatened or feel the need to meet your intensity with their own.
Here’s an example of yet another poor behavior enacted by those with anger issues. It is an attempt to get your point across and win the argument, rather than actually settling differences. Calling back to our point of rushing into things, the action of interrupting someone while they are speaking isn’t just discourteous, it also shows that you have no interest in what the other person is trying to say. Wait and listen for them to finish what they’re saying and only then, once they’ve concluded, speak your piece.
Whereas this may seem cathartic and feel like it’ll help you to relieve a good deal of stress, cursing can actually damage your health. Profane language may just build up what’s already a tense situation. Of course, if cursing has been something you’ve been doing for quite some time, it will be a difficult habit to break. We’re not suggesting that you remove cursing from your vocabulary altogether, but think about the cause and effect of the situation and who it is you’re cursing at and the effect it may have on the situation and both the person or persons you’re speaking to and anyone who may be listening.
We’ve been taught from an early age that name-calling isn’t a proficient means of communication. However, some of us opt to do it anyway to get our points across, just like we do when cursing at someone. There’s no positive outcome in the long term if you insist on name-calling. It’s destructive and will take you longer to reach the goal of actually resolving an issue.
This is a pretty obvious one, but to help illustrate a point I want you to take this into consideration. Suppose, at the beginning of these lessons, I had written the following warning:
IF YOU DON’T PRACTICE THESE MANDATES, IT WILL MAKE LIFE THAT MUCH HARDER FOR YOU!!!
Even though you might have already had in mind that following the suggestions being presented, having someone negatively reinforce that for you in the manner above will almost certainly not help incentivize you to better at managing your anger. Such threats are not good, and just have negative impacts down the road. It has that same negative effect on interpersonal relationships.
By this, I mean pointing directly at the person you're talking to during a heated or antagonistic discussion or argument. This is yet another rude behavior someone exhibits when they’re upset or angry. Not only is this a hostile behavior, but it can also elevate an already-stressful or tense situation. Find something else to do with your hands to prevent this kind of behavior.
10. Yelling, Raising Your Voice, Or Talking In A Mean Tone
These are probably the hallmark attributes of a rageaholic. How quickly we get to these actions can often be a determining factor in seeing how easily someone can become enraged. If you’re quick to do any of these things or if you do any of these things fairly often, you’ll really need to monitor yourself or have others that are willing to do it for you. This is just another aggressive behavior that will affect how others see you and react to what you do or say.
11. Being Sarcastic Or Mocking
These two things can be placed right along with name-calling. It almost seems childish when you do them directly to the person you’re speaking to. To someone who can’t pick up on the fact that you’re just kidding with them, this could turn a situation fairly quickly into stressful and then into an argument, which winds up triggering your anger as a response.
12. Throwing Things, Slamming Doors, Or Banging Walls
When you start inflicting damage to inanimate objects, what are you really stating? “Better this door, clock, picture, or wall as opposed to hitting someone!” This is true, but what happens when that’s no longer an effective outlet for you? Seeming like the strong intimidating type isn’t a good way to get your point across and will only cause issues for you down the road.
13. All Non-Affectionate Touching
Especially in intimate relationships, any kind of touching that isn’t welcome or invited is just asking for trouble. If it isn’t asked or called for, don’t do it. At all! This is one of the quickest ways to get the police involved in a situation. Don’t let your anger put you in a situation where you find yourself spending a night in a bullpen (a.k.a. jail cell).
14. Telling Hero Stories
There’s no need for you to recount the tales of each and every time you came to someone's rescue, or how much you contributed to them in a time of their need, or how you got the best and last word in an argument with them, all for the sake of later throwing it back in their face. Don’t try to diminish someone else by making yourself seem greater in comparison.
15. Sighing, Clucking, Or Rolling Your Eyes
Especially in the middle of a disagreement, this is something else that would just come off as very juvenile. It is passive-aggressive anger behavior that can just serve to spark anger in either you or the person you’re communicating with.
16. Criticizing And Lecturing
This can also be seen as fussing at someone, especially in the event that you’re only pointing out their flaws and shortcomings. When you do this, it generally makes the other party just want to tune you out because at this point you’re not conversing with them, you’re just angrily expressing everything you believe they’re doing wrong.
17. Driving While Angry
If you drive a vehicle—or participating in any other activity that requires your full and undivided attention because it can be particularly harmful or hazardous if you are doing it while distracted—then you shouldn’t do it while angry. When you’re angered, you tend to stay focused on the thing upsetting you, and not on the possibly-hazardous activity you're supposed to be paying attention to.
This may cause you to do things while driving that could result in hurting yourself and/or someone else. Anger-distracted driving often results in activities like speeding, honking your horn excessively, slowing down or stopping when you’re not supposed to, hitting objects in your car, making unneeded eye contact with another driver, or making crass comments about their driving. Anger-distraction usually has other similarly-harmful effects on other activities that require your full attention.