Using My Own Skill Base

 I’m on an extra tight schedule like everyone else at this time of year.  I have a couple of parties to give in the next few days and I have to fit in a lot of extra tasks above and beyond my already full life.  The carpet cleaners were late and it was clear by his voice over the phone he would rather be having lunch than picking up carpets.  It was pretty easy to detect that I too was a little irritated.

With my hand on the doorknob turning to admit the carpet cleansers and a vision of the ghost of arguments past, I knew where this could go if I were to sprew my frustrations.  I consciously choose another way of being. I decided to change my energy.  The fact of the matter is I know that everything that has to get done will get done and all will be well.  Even with a glitch, I can manage that too.  Because I always have.

Stress is not always a reaction to a specific situation.  Most often it is our thoughts that lead to intense feelings of stress.  For awhile I was caught up in my thinking about all the things I had to do and the lateness of the carpet cleaners.  As I waited for the carpet cleaners I found myself in a place of unproductive tension. 

 Unproductive tension is always a villain. Unproductive tension is when the mind starts on a path where one thought leads to another, and another and another and agitation begins to build.  It is like a space between an event or a situation where you can make a mountain out of a molehill. The solution was to notice what was happening and stop the momentum of the thoughts that I was creating all in my head.

I had to create other thoughts and assurances that would serve me. I consciously had to turn the unproductive tension into usable energy.  I had to remind myself that I have a choice of how I can feel. Instead of telling myself how terrible all of this was going and getting frustrated I reminded myself that 'everything is going to be fine in the end"! 

 And it was.

 Watch your thoughts. Catch yourself when you are being negative. If you're already under time constraints and the time is counting down you'll do far better to the finish managing your thoughts and attitude. 

Anger Management Institute, Specializing in impulse control and people skills. 

Taking A Look At The Workplace Bully Part I

27% of Americans have suffered abusive conduct at work. Another 21% have witnessed abuse in the workplace and 72% are aware that workplace bullying happens.

 Now lets' take a look at the definition of a workplace bully as described by the Workplace Bully Institute:

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is:

• Threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, or
• Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done, or
• Verbal abuse

To break it down the workplace bully has control issues (probably on the job and off).  The perpetrator targets an individual (s) using a strategy of timing, location, and method to threaten, The purpose is to degrade, insult, embarrass, intimidate and undermine.  The bully can use direct actions or actions of omission that include withholding information or resources.  In addition to attacking the person, the actions of the workplace bully also undermine legitimate business interest for personal interest/issues.

Any of the above descriptions remind you of something else? If you thought Domestic Violence you are right! Surprising as it may sound the workplace bully's profile is very close to the batterer's profile and at the core of both types is less about anger and more about power and control over a targeted individual.
   
Being bullied as an adult in the workplace can have a huge impact on the psychological and physical health of the victim as well as employee peers. 

I work with workplace bully's and in Thursday installment you'll meet Susan an employer ordered bully. I had to come up with a combination of modalities to work with Susan because a straightforward anger management program wasn't going to be quit right to address her issues.  I borrowed from some of my Domestic Violence tools combined with anger management and EQ.  The results were amazing.

Anger Management Institute, An emotional intelligence-based practice

A Few Thoughts!

A Few Thoughts

A qualified anger and stress management specialist is always the best choice to see you through your challenges with anger.   Therapists are usually not efficient at anger management unless specifically trained.  Most are not. That may be why you find yourself still angry after working with a traditional therapist who has not gone down the specific track of learning the modality and garnering the tools to specialize.

The good news is that anger is a normal human emotion everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger becomes an issue when it becomes inappropriate. So what does inappropriate look like? Well, if your anger is destroying your work or personal relationships; leads to aggression; is too intense, frequent or lasts too long then I would say there is an anger management challenges. If you have any of these issues it is not considered an illness or a mental disorder.

If you have impulse/anger control issues the good news is that you're not "crazy." or "broken" regardless of what anyone says about your actions.   Anger management is not therapy however it is very therapeutic.  Anger Management is actually listed as "education" and your actions are considered bad behavior and not an illness. 

Anger Management Institute, an Emotional Intelligence based practice specializing in Impulse Control and personal enhancement. 510.393.0250 

Saying "No" Creates Room For "Yes"!

I have a client who is a  really talented commediane. This guy is funny, creative and a doer however  my client is angry and doesn't understand why he isn't where he wants to be. He further laments that other less talented people are making greater strides forward than himself.   His lack of strides forward has deeply affected his self-confidence level which in turn makes him angry and stressed. I see part of his issues as a lack of focus on priorities and the inability to say "no"!

 Ryan is so talented and a doer that when he comes up with a new idea he stops what he is doing to go down the new track.  His thinking is to do/take everything and anything and something will work out towards the goal.  However everytime he says, "yes" to a new idea or proposal Ryan loses focus.  All these "yes's" take energy and time away from the ultimate goal.  He's angry because while he's accomplished loads of cool things much of his movement is lateral and not forward towards the goal. Consequently, he feels bad about himself and angry with the world about where he finds himself at this stage of his career.  The issue of a lack of focus and too many "yes's" will always delay the dream and undermine wellbeing.

Today we worked on learning to say "no" to somethings so that he can focus and create room, time and energy towards what it is that really matters to him.

Here’s a word of wisdom from Steve Jobs for you to ponder:

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

Certainly experiment however choose carefully. See how it links to the ultimate destination.

Bar-On 2.0 Pre & Post-Evidence Based Assessment

 All programs at the Anger Management Institute, begin with the Bar-On 2.0 assessment. This highly effective assessment tool accurately indicates an individual's behavioral performance and skills in a number of significant areas. The Bar-On 2.0 is and Emotional Intelligence (EI) based assessment tool. Emotional Intelligence is a unique repertoire of emotional skills that a person uses to navigate the everyday challenges of life.

Research has demonstrated that an individual's EI or (EQ) is often a more accurate predictor of success than the individual's IQ. Regardless to how intellectually intelligent someone is. their success is still governed by how well they communicate their ideas and interact with their peers.  Bar-On 2.0 identifies an array of emotional and social capabilities, competencies, and skills that influence one's ability to succeed in coping with environmental demands and pressures while developing and maintain relationships.

Based on results from numerous statistical analyses, users of the EQ-i 2.0 can be confident that the scores generated by this assessment will be consistent and reliable. Results also revealed that the EQ-i 2.0 very accurately measures emotional intelligence, related concepts, and relevant outcomes. 

From the results of this assessment, l maps out a personal and professional profile on several performance levels. Cost-effective and time-saving, this tool protects your company’s investment in employees and managers. Using the results of the assessment, I am able to address behavioral/performance challenges from day one of my work with the client. The Bar-On 2.0 Assessment also includes a post-assessment that measures the degree of change achieved.

“This tool sets me apart from all other providers of anger management/impulse control and professional development coaching because of its accuracy in determining the issues.  While a person can only change and or improve their behavior or performance if they are committed my results have always shown significant positive improvement..”

– Yacine Bell