A Look At Doing The Job And Work Styles

Good work cannot be limited to just doing the job. Sounds strange because that's what an employer wants right?

  I have a client who is brilliant at his job however he is rather like a bad virus that infects his unit as a result of his bad temperament. No one really wants to work with him.  John is exceptionally qualified to be a project lead however he's always passed over for team leader positions.  John is chosen for projects (because he's going to do his job) although he is most often chosen last or by default because there is so much emotional territory that comes with working with him.

Why last to be chosen and/or by default if he's good??  John lacks interpersonal skills, low impulse control, and poor empathy.  This combination of behaviors creates a personality with a work style that is a challenge to work with even though he does the actual assignments well.

My client John is working on his emotional intelligence with an emphasis on his temperament and interpersonal skills because he wants to be considered for leadership positions in a company and because he wants friendlier workplace relationships.  What we are doing now is working on the style at which he does his job and his emotional intelligence.

What John knows now is what employers should be more aware of when hiring prospective employees and that is that interpersonal skills, resourcefulness, creativity, and empathy should be as much of a consideration as ability.

John is once again looking for a new job as he wasn't rehired however I am hopeful that whoever hires John will consider his ability to do the job and the style at which he completes his work!

Anger Management Institute, and emotional intelligence-based practice 510.393.0250

Anger Management Is Not Domestic Violence They Are Different

I am certified to practice both Domestic Violence and Anger Management Intervention.  As National President Emeritus of the American Association of Anger Management Providers, I have been asked my opinion and thoughts on the latest events of Domestic Violence as it relates to the NFL.  I realized from all these questions that many people are not clear of the difference between Domestic Violence and Anger Management. My mentor has written the best explanation of both Domestic Violence and Anger Management which I would like to share.

In the NFL and indeed throughout the world, there is confusion among professionals, the Judicial System and the general public regarding the difference between anger management and domestic violence intervention for perpetrators. In California, Penal Code 1203.097 defines domestic violence as violence that occurs in an intimate relationship. The relationship can be gay, lesbian or heterosexual. However, it is violence in an intimate relationship. This law further determines that acceptable intervention is not anger management but rather batterer’s intervention with the primary goal of teaching equality in male-female relationships that represents 98% of all cases. Anger is not seen as a necessary factor in battering relationships.
The real issue in domestic violence is power and control on the part of the perpetrator. Anger is not a prerequisite for abuse. The perpetrator will abuse whenever his control is threatened. Rarely is the perpetrator out of control.
There are no legal definitions of anger or anger management anywhere in the United States. In fact, anger is not considered an abnormal or pathological condition. Anger is considered a normal human emotion. It is therefore not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental & Nervous Disorders. Nor is the treatment or intervention for anger management covered or reimbursed by insurance companies.
Anger is considered a problem when it is hurtful to you or someone else when it lasts too long, is too frequent, is too intense or leads to person or property directed violence. Increasing, since 9/11, the inappropriate public display of anger has become an epidemic. The Criminal Justice system is overwhelmed with cases related to simple battery, threats, workplace violence, road rage, computer rage and implied or actual threats.
Anger is a secondary emotion, which often follows fear, depression, stress, fatigue or a perceived threat or personal, attach on one’s person-hood. The situation that causes the anger is not the problem; the unhealthy response or violence that may follow is the problem.
Successful anger management programs assess at intake for relative competence in four areas: emotional intelligence, stress management, anger management and communication. The coaching or classes are designed to teach skills in self-awareness, self-control, social awareness and relationship management using a number of approaches including client workbooks, role -play, videos, lectures, experiential exercises and real life practices. All clients are required to complete a Pre and Post Emotional Intelligence Assessment that is designed to provide a baseline of the clients skills as well as to determine the success or lack of success of the coaching or classes.
In contrast, domestic violence batterer’s programs focus on male socialization, female socialization, and substance abuse, child abuse, and sexual abuse, male dominance and the impact of family violence on children.
Unfortunately, most batterer’s programs in the U.S. use the outdated Duluth Domestic Violence Intervention Curriculum. This curriculum is in English only and is based on consistent, direct, frequent, intense confrontation of defenses. These interventions may unwittingly increase rather than decrease resistance and defensiveness and may reinforce the belief that relationships are based on coercive influence. Therefore, such programs have no demonstrated value for any population. Rather, they are an insult to people of color or persons whose primary language is not English. Confrontation or shame is culturally inappropriate for persons of Asian descent.

This was written by George Anderson

For more information call: Anger Management Institute, 510.393.0250 specializing in Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence based Anger Management.

Kiss Your Way To Less Stress

As a stress and anger management specialist, I am always looking for scientifically validated tools and methods to reduce stress and/or manage anger. Substantial data shows that kissing is an effective stress reducer/reliever.
In the moments of a great kiss, the chaos of the outside world is quiet, there’s silence in the mind, and the body relaxes and releases stress away. A kiss lowers stress by decreasing the body’s cortisol levels also known as the stress hormone. At the same time, kissing stimulates the brain and creates a sense of peace and calmness by altering the body’s oxytocin levels.
 Find your chill. Kiss.......

Anger Management Institute, an emotional intelligence-based practice specializing in anger in the workplace

5 Comebacks For Dealing With Rude People

I read this article written by Higher Perspective and thought it might be useful during this Season of Giving. Stress is high, money is short and time is premium. That is a combination of temperamental behavior and stress. I expect there will be plenty of bad behavior out here in the world through to the New Year.  Use one of these tools should you have an encounter with rudeness. Good luck and no Decking in the Halls!

Rude people suck, but there's no way to get around it: you're going to run into one now and then. These are 5 great ways to deal with rude people.

1. Tell them you appreciate their perspective.

When someone is being rude to you, they don't expect graciousness or any kind of positive emotions to come at them. If anything, it'll disarm them and make them realize you appreciate different viewpoints, including theirs.

2. Thank them.

Put on a smile and say "thank you." It's a subtle way to acknowledge their rudeness and opt-out of engaging them on it. It shows you're in control of your emotions.

3. Tell them they're right.

Just because someone is rude doesn't make what they have to say incorrect. If someone rudely points something out, tell them they're right. It almost always gives them pause. They expect you to argue, not concede.

4. End the conversation.

There's nothing wrong with saying a conversation with a rude person is over. You're in charge of who you talk to about what. If you're being disrespected, walk away.

5. Laugh.

 Because what's funnier than laughing in the face of a rude person?

Tools for navigating the environment at large.

Anger Management Institute, specializing in impulse control, anger and stress management an emotional intelligence-based practice.

A Little About The Anger Management Process

The thought of coming to anger management is a lot scarier than being in the actual process.  Most people really don’t know what to expect which is one of the reasons why I spend so much time in the initial telephone consultation.  A lot has to happen during this first conversation. First and foremost, I have to get the client to relax and allay any fears around the process. Usually, a person has lived with their “out of control" anger issue for years. There is often embarrassment, shame and even feelings of inadequacy for not being able to manage their anger themselves.

 The initial conversation is a time of discovery for both the client and myself.  I ask the client a lot of open-ended questions.  Good questions reveal a lot for both client and counselor. The first call is more of a conversation, where most importantly, I am looking for a connection between the prospective client and me.  A mutual connection suggests the process will move forward fluidly.  However, having no strong initial connection during the first conversation does not necessarily translate into a problem. Yet a common meeting ground needs to be attained between the client and me before beginning the anger management process.

The fact is that anger is one of eight normal human emotions. We are all wired for it. It is perfectly fine and healthy to get angry. Anger enables us to protect and defend what belongs to us. Anger becomes a  problem when it becomes inappropriate. Of all the normal human emotions anger is the most overused and misused.   My job is to teach new ways of behaving when angry that is compatible with the client’s innate sensibilities. 

Anger Management Institute, An Emotional Intelligence based Anger management 510.393.0250